Something's Gotta Give

I thought I had an idea of what I would write about today.  I thought I would have plenty of time to write it.  I thought I'd have more time for a lot of things today.  Guess that's what I get for thinking too much...
Life happened.  Nothing huge or catastrophic.  Just a lot of little things that took longer than planned or didn't happen as smoothly as I had hoped.  
So, here it is a few minutes past 7, I have a few minutes to sit down and write what is about to burst out of my heart.  Mostly questions.  Maybe if I write it out, answers will become clearer. 
 I'm on a journey...just like everyone else. Trying to take care of my children, husband, and home.  Trying to do my job at work well. Trying to be a good friend to those I know God has given to me.  Trying to be excellent in ministry. Trying to lead well in my life group.  All of these things really overlap.  Above all of these, I want to hear the Holy Spirit and follow His leading.

Right now I feel I've reached an impasse.  The crazy busy that has been our lives for the last few weeks is not working.  All of these things I am doing are good things.  But I feel like my family is suffering.  We are always just making it to our next activity or meeting.  Everyone has to hurry all the time.  I feel the busy-ness and obligation has started to drown out My Father's voice.  It is time to do some recalculating.

I'm not sure what this will look like.  I'm praying and asking you to pray for me as well.  I need wisdom and guidance to decide what He wants me to do or not do.  My family is always my first ministry.  I can be excellent in all other areas of "ministry, " but if I fail at home, my first God-given ministry, I fail at everything.  We have had something every night this week.  As I write this Jason has one kid at football, one at cheer, and another at a life group.  I am home with the twins, finishing up another dinner that will be eaten well after the time the kiddos should be in bed.  I need to figure out which of the good things I need to say "No" to, in order to say "Yes" to the best thing.
I'll let you know how it turns out.  This hasn't been the funniest post...but not in a funny mood today.  I believe it's time for me to "Be still (cease striving) and know that He is God."  I am encouraged that I have learned He will be faithful.  The answers will come if I make the effort to listen for His voice.  Be encouraged that we all struggle at times to know the right steps to take.  But always this:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”   

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,

to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly

    for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:22-26

  

Let's Get Transparent

So...after my husband read my last blog post, he informed me I needed an editor. Lovely.  Yes, I must admit the fact that he was such a grammatical genius attracted me when I met him. Now...not so much.  Ha!  I shall try to edit this post a little more thoroughly. :) 

Transparent moment: I love people, but they annoy me...seriously.

I have thought about running away to a deserted island several times over the last few weeks where I wouldn't have to deal with people.  You probably think it can't possibly be that bad and you're probably right. But whatever...I didn't ask you. (Have I told you that sarcasm is one of my spiritual gifts.)

I have been learning a lot about what it means to have "soul integrity" lately. It's okay to say no to activities, even good ones, because you just want to hang out with your husband and kids and eat burgers and watch tennis.  It's okay to take a break from the 27 loads of laundry that need to be done to write a blog post because it feeds your soul.  It's okay to love to dress up and feel pretty in a casual environment. And it's always okay to wear high heels whenever you feel like it (I'm almost positive when the first pair was created, God looked down from heaven and said, "It is good").

But mostly, soul integrity has to do with being honest with yourself. Honest about how you feel. Why you feel that way. What annoys you. What are your true desires.  We are so good at lying to ourselves and making excuses to ourselves.  And sometimes we've been doing this for so long we don't even realize it. 

Soul integrity is really just about getting real with yourself so God can work.  I believe the more soul integrity we have the easier it is for the Spirit to change us and make us more like Jesus.  Because isn't that our goal...to become more like Christ.  The more like Him we can become, the more others will see Him and know Him.  


In my heart of hearts I just want to magnify Him, by definition...make Him easier to see.  The glory of any created thing is directly tied to whether or not it's fulfilling the purpose God designed for it.  Our purpose is to bring God glory. So in everything I do, including dealing with all those annoying people, I want to show Christ, and Him be glorified.  
Does this always happen?  I'm afraid not. This becoming is quite a process and requires much dying to self, which is not always easy for us humans. Thanks to the whole "sin nature" thing we have going on, selfishness is easier for us.  And just when we think we have learned and prayed and confessed enough...one of those annoying people does something completely stupid. The only way we know the change is real and the Holy Spirit is working is to have it tested out in our relationships.  I am so thankful we don't rely on our own abilities.

I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed. I’ll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands.   Ezekiel 36:25-27  

We are all learning and growing.  I want to write more about what God has been teaching me about relationships and people on Thursday...or maybe Friday...
Domestic duties are calling.  Be encouraged today friends, that we have a new heart and His Spirit to make it through the difficult moments.

Let's Do This

Let's do this!
This.
What is this?
Is my this the same as your this?

Yes. No. Sometimes.

I've been thinking about writing for a long time...even blogged some in the past.  It seems I'm always writing in my head.  Composing things God is teaching me and funny things my kids say into posts.  They never get written, because let's face it....life is busy.  Writing seems like something else on the list that's not as important as all the other things that have to be accomplished for the day.  So I don't do it.

I love reading so many other blogs.  Mostly of women, just like me.  In the throes of serving their family, working their jobs, and trying to walk out their faith. Everyday.  The blogs are real, funny, raw, and so very encouraging.
Why?  Because they let me know I'm not alone in the this.  The this.  The right now. The parenting failures and successes.  The friendships that are smooth and effortless or sometimes rocky and exhausting.  The marriage that is work and a blessing.  The job that needs attention. The laundry that never ends.  The dinners that have to be fixed every stinkin' night.  Sports, cheer, homework, doctor's visits.  And ministry that can be both messy and rewarding.

Ministry is not just for full time, paid church staff.  It's what we all do. Everyday.  In everything we do. If you are on the journey to follow Christ and become more like Him, your life IS ministry. Laundry, conversations, leading worship and small groups. Sending encouraging cards or texts.  Just listening.

So...That's what I want this this to be.  Ministering to my soul as I write, my God as I try to follow and write what He is teaching me, and and to you, the reader...my friends.  Will every post have some deep spiritual thought?  Probably not.  I hope to write about funny things that happen in my life, because goodness knows we need to laugh to survive...even if it is at ourselves.  But I feel even in the funny, God is there, smiling and enjoying our delight.

And I want to encourage you.  You are not alone in this.  We all struggle and have bad days.  We all have great days that we wish would go on forever.  But in this we need each other.  We need to laugh, cry, and celebrate with each other.  We need to stand together in the battles, praying over one another when the this gets too hard.  We need to remind each other where our strength comes from and Who has things under control.

So join me on my journey in this.  Be patient with me as I figure this whole blog thing out, as I'm not the most technologically savvy person I know.  I am going to try to post 2 times a week or so...emphases on try. Hope you are encouraged.